In Over My Head

Lately, a lot of things have been confusing for me. I am at a place where I am trying to find myself and find where I really am, what I want to do, what my beliefs and values are, where I stand in society amongst other things. It gets tough sometimes because you think you know something and then find out its a lie or something happens to contradict it. It's in those times when I think of God. He is the only one that I can really hold on to. A few days ago I purchased (well, my mom did anyway) one of Reubens Morgan's solo albums called World Through Your Eyes. It is an amazing album with great songs that help me worship God. Reuben Morgan has written a lot of the finest worship songs like "My Redeemer Lives" and "I Give You My Heart." But there is one song that he wrote called "In Over My Head" which is a new song (relatively) and it describes my situation perfectly.

In Over My Head
by Reuben Morgan

The world is all changing
I can't believe my own eyes
The moment I think
I've figured it out
I am flawed

I'm not so sure
Of myself this time

I'm in over my head
And all I have is you now
I'm in over my ehad
And all I am is holding on to you

I can't see the way now
But this one thing I know
When everything's changing
You're still closer than a friend
And so I will bow
And my heart will trust

I'm in over my head
And all I have is you now
I'm in over my head
And all I am is holding on to you

I'll never let you go

I'm in over my head
And all I am is you now
I'm in over my head
And all I have, all I have
Is holding on to you

peace out for now!

The King Of The Universe

Today for devotions I prayed in a different way. I wrote a letter to God.

Dear God,

I haven't talked to you like this in a long time. But let's give it a try. How are you? I'm sure you are feeling a bunch of of emotions at the same time because you deal with everyone in the world at the same time. 7 billion emotions?! Wow! I would never take that. I would explode like Peter Petrelli (Heroes)! But you are God so that doesn't matter. You have been really good to me lately. Giving me music to cheer me up (yesterday I bought some new cds), sitting by my bedside every night rocking me to sleep, sending your angels, and now YOU, Yourself sit down while I'm sleeping and guard me. God Himself. Wow. I feel very special when I'm around you. I feel loved. I feel like its just you and me. And average human being with the King Of the Universe. I feel like a princess when I'm around you. Yes, you are my Father and my Friend. When my dad forsaked me, you never did. When my mom stopped listening to me, you never did. I can't even explain how happy that makes me. Even when I thought you were gone, you would yell, "Hey! I'm here! I never left, and I never will." I want to thank you for being with me. I want to thank you for not letting me go. And for putting up with my silly fits. You never cease to amaze me. And I know that whatever comes my way, I can trust my Daddy. The Kind of The Universe.

It sounds like a child wrote this. Well, in my heart I am still a child. Despite my problems I am glad that I can write something like this. I feel free and I have felt free this past year. How? Well, God is amazing. I even made a Meez .

This is how free I am :

This reminds me of the times when I was a kid and I would always go on the tire swing at school. That was the last time I remember feeling really free. And thankfully, despite everything that's going on right now, I feel exactly like I felt then.

Listen

Listen is a song that I love. It is featured on the movie Dream Girls (with Beyoncé Knowles, Eddie Murphy, Jamie Foxx, Anika Nina Rose, and Jennifer Hudson) and it absolutely describes the situation I am in. I feel like I am not being heard. That my thoughts and opinions don't matter. I feel that I have to do whatever I am told to, to live well, and that my dreams and values are just going to be stripped away. I wish people would just listen. Listen to what I have to say. The song is performed by the beautiful Beyoncé. Here are the lyrics:

Listen

To the song here in my heart

A melody I start but can't complete

Listen

To the sound from deep within

It's only beginning to find release

Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard

They will not be pushed aside and turned I

nto your own all 'cause you won't listen

Listen

I am alone at a crossroads

I'm not at home in my own home

And I've tried and tried to say what's on my mind

You should have known - Oh

Now I'm done believing you

You don't know what I'm feeling

I'm more than what you made of me

I followed the voice you gave to me

But now I've gotta find my own

You should have listened

There is someone here inside

Someone I thought had died so long ago

Oh, I'm screaming out and my dreams will be heard

They will not be pushed aside or worse**

Into your own all 'cause you won't listen

Listen I am alone at a crossroads

I'm not at home in my own home

And I've tried and tried to say what's on my mind

You should have know

Oh, now I'm done believing you

You don't know what I'm feeling

I'm more than what you made of me

I followed the voice you gave to me

But now I've gotta find my own

I don't know where I belong

But I'll be moving on

If you don't, if you won't

Listen

To the song here in my heart

A melody I start

But I will complete - Oh

Now I'm done believing you

You dont know what I'm feeling

I'm more than what you made of me

I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I gotta find my own

My own

Here is the video.

I would also like to share with you another video by a band that I recently discovered (today actually). Jamie posted this video on myspace but I didn't pay too much attention to it. But I watched it today. It's by a band called Between The Trees and this song is about cutting and hurt and pain and depression. They are huge supporters of TWLOHA and I think they have an awesome sound and they are just AMAZING! :D Hopefully I'll be able to get some more of their music and know more about them.

that's it for today folks! :D